22,000 bricks

killadamsandler88888888888888999:

like ten years ago i drew a comic strip entitled “if the president were a moth” in which the president is a human sized moth watching the olympics and when they light the torch it flies off in pursuit of it and then two cia guys stand up and shout “MR. PRESIDENT!!!!!!!” i was really ahead of my time

the real reason fish avoid sharks is because all sharks are loan sharks and fish just need a little more time 

neyruto:

i had the most surreal experience of my life at the mall i was standing by one of those god forsaken meme t-shirt stands and a sweaty pre-teen boy pointed to a shirt and yelled “gandam style” and started to half-heartedly do the dance without taking his eyes off of the shirt. his face was so red. he was tired.

tedtheodorelogan:

someitmes i think. who is spiderman? then i remember. its Me

i wont go outside until the snake that spits water at me with surprising force is taken out of my garden

one day the eggs in your fridge will hatch and the yolk monsters will emerge