launchpad mcquack

like a good neighbour state farm IS ALWAYS WATCHING YOU FOR SOME REASON

w is not a vowel
every message in my inbox for the next 16 years (via corporateaccount)

corporateaccount:

iowa is the only state that consists entirely of vowels

railroadsoftware:

person: so what have you been up to
me: (speaking very humble) well, I just got some new carpet.. it’s plush…
person: (trying not to sound envious) pl… plush? wow. I hear thats the nicest of all carpets
me: oh it’s nothing..

swiggityswee:

THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD IS WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS U CHIPS AND U REACH IN THE BAG BUT U CAN’T GET A HOLD OF A CHIP AND U START SWEATIN’ AND PEOPLE ARE STARING CUZ U CAN’T GET HOLD OF A GODDAMN CHIP AND THEN CHILDREN ARE SCREAMING AND U HEAR GUNSHOTS AND BUILDINGS START COLLAPSING BUT U STILL. CAN’T. GET. A. CHIP.

me: someone said you looked like an owl
friend: who
me: Al
friend: i fucking hate Al
life hack

fartgallery:

aaliyahhhhhhhhhhhhh:

fartgallery:

throw it in the ocean

what if it’s the ocean

throw it in a different ocean